Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Best Fucking Pancakes Ever!

I know you like pancakes. Don't lie. Just the other day your mom called me up and told me she saw you making out with an IHOP menu. I understand her concern. Here is the end all best recipe to satisfy those unholy urges you have towards this flat morning delicacy.

Ingredients:

• 1 3/4 cups of unbleached all purpose mother-fuckin' flour;
• 3 1/2 TEAspoons of the baking powder (no, not baking soda, you will fuck it up if you use soda);
• 2 TABLEspoons of that sweet ass sugar;
• 1/2 TEAspoon of that sodium product known as salt;
• 1 lonely egg (a gregarious egg simply will NOT DO);
• 1 3/4 cups of the cow milk;
• 1 TEAspoon of pure vanilla extract;
• 3 TABLEspoons of melted butter (a microwave oven is nice for this step).

Directions:
Directions brought to you by Ollie imitating S.L. Jackson

Step motherfuckin' one: Mix the flour, the baking powder, the sugar, and the salt together in a big ass bowl.

Step motherfuckin' two: Crack that lonely motherfuckin' egg and drop him in that big ass bowl along with your milk, vanilla and butter. Stir that shit up real nice with your favorite whisk, BUT DO NOT KILL THE LUMPS, THE LUMPS ARE KEY FOR YOUR PANCAKE PLEASURE. Ya hear that? So don't over beat that shit.

Step motherfuckin' three: Heat up yr skillet or pan real nice and medium hot and get some butter cooking in there. Once that butter starts to boil, you best get your goopy ass batter into the pan, because if that butter browns... you fucked it all up.

Step motherfuckin' four: Once bubbles start trying to peek their gassy faces through that batter, flip that shit, and brown the other side. Use your judgement when to flip, if your pancakes are smoking, your pan is too hot, and you went and fucked up your pancakes by burning them.

Step five: Put those cakes on your plate and top with the syrup of your choice and MORE BUTTER! You can make your own syrup if you like, but that's a whole 'nother recipe. Now go and get your freaky pancake love on!

RESULTS: Brooke loves her some butter...
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7 comments:

elephantiasisoftheblog said...

hjahahahahahah... you're so L.A.

elephantiasisoftheblog said...

the laughing wasn't sarcasm.

Martin Delaine said...

how come your step mother will fuck 4 and not 5?

ollie tamale said...

sam jackson SOOOO doesnt talk like that.

L'Idiot said...

@ ollie

actualy, he's an actor, and i'm the director, so he talks however the fuck i tell him to talk. snap.

pancakes por vida!

ollie tamale said...

i miss this blog

Josh Smith said...

This is awesome...honestly laughed mad hard!